Riding a roller coaster of emotions

This is a story about the last few months of my life and why they were emotionally exhausting. I didn't write about it at all while going through it, so this is going to be a weird re-cap.

I was part of a massive layoff for the startup I worked for on March 24th. Yoikes. Just that word is tough. I quickly hated saying it. "Layoff." Although I immediately felt like an adult telling people I was "laid off." Getting laid off is adult-as-hell.

It started out as any other lovely day. It was a slightly-sunny Friday in Milwaukee and I was on PTO visiting one of my best friends, Juli. I got the news of the layoff that morning, just as I was waking up to enjoy my little vacay. Quite the buzzkill.

Naturally, out came the waterworks, and Juli woke up to me sobbing on the phone with a fellow coworker/friend who had just boarded the S.S. Layoff boat alongside me. (If you're wondering what sort of nautical acronym S.S. could be, I wondered that too, and looked it up. It stands for Steam Ship. Fun fact.)

Throughout the day I heard from many work comrades who were either extending their condolences or also involuntarily joining the S.S. Layoff crew. Our jobless ship held most of the department by the end of the day.

Immediately following the layoff news I decided it was simply an exciting twist of fate. I had visited friends in Denver a few weeks prior and that trip, along with some thorough convincing from my pal Mel, had planted a seed in my head that moving to Denver would be an awesome opportunity. So, I started casually looking for jobs. Casually as in, I'd apply to maybe 1 posting per week around 9pm while half-watching VICE News. The idea was there but as much as I loved it, I was mostly content with my job and comfortable living in Chicago. If I'm being honest with myself, I wasn't going anywhere.

Then, all of a sudden, I'm laid off. I'm unemployed again. Shit.

At first I thought, okay, I *have* to look for jobs now. This is fate! Perfect timing. I'll look outside Chicago. Live in the mountains. Adventure time, bitches. Boom. Done. Goal = set.

Then, a few days passed, and a few more. I'd applied to a lot of jobs already, but hadn't heard anything back yet. Reality really started to set in when someone suggested filing for unemployment (which is nothing to be ashamed of, but the vernacular struck a cord). Then came the blow to my ego, right in the chest, knocking the wind out of me.

Damn. How could they have laid *me* off? Preposterous!

....Or am I actually not as great as I think I am?

Pity party ensued followed by a mild panic attack. Perhaps a few. I blame most of it on my toddler-sized Chicago apartment that drove me crazy in the last few weeks of my lease. Moving home with my parents wasn't something I'd planned on or necessarily wanted to do, but once I did it I truly felt the weight off my shoulders. I had s p a c e , a dog to cuddle, a big yard, and free food/rent/laundry + unconditional-love-and-support. Not a bad set-up.

Eventually I learned to enjoy my time off. I flew to Boston, road-tripped to Indiana, visited Milwaukee, walked Chicago's lakefront, planted flowers, biked forest preserves, and spent lots of time with friends and family. It was truly a wonderful past few months, even considering the emotional ups and downs.

In early June I was offered a job at an amazing company in Denver. It's a shoeless office and has kombucha on tap in the kitchen. People just do what they want - wear sweatpants, play ping-pong, break out in spontaneous hand-stands, y'know, all the cool startup stuff. So uh, yeah, you could say it's pretty chill. (And yes, I do hate myself for this paragraph.)

I've been in Denver just over a month and I've already met more people than throughout my entire year living in Chicago. It's been easy because everyone is so friendly. Smiles on everyones faces. Sun is shining. Sometimes the air even smells like fresh herbs - it's bizarre. The mountains peeking out on the west side of the city is quite delectable as well. Truly, I AM REVELING IN LIFE!

Like I said, rollercoaster of emotions. I'm currently on the up and up. So, if you feel like your life is going downhill, I'd like to tell you to remember it gets better, but what do I know? Sure, I worked hard, but maybe I'm just lucky, or this is all a dream and I'm going to wake up hungover in my parents house with an unfinished bagel stuck to my sheets. Who knows! Thanks for reading.